Written by Seema Parmar from Amazsage Therapies
Days, weeks and months following a loss can be emotionally difficult and painful. It is completely okay to feel sadness, shock, depression, grief, anger and resentment when
experiencing baby loss.
As time passes by and you begin to commence with normal life, everyone reacts differently and there is no right or wrong way to feel. We all digest and manage our emotions differently.
Accept your feelings and Give yourself time
Accept your feelings: whatever your emotions are, know that the loss somehow was not your fault. Instead of judging or blaming yourself, try to talk to honestly and openly to your partner and other people who can offer support around you.
Give yourself time: don’t push yourself to stop feeling your emotions. Often people will say many things, but only you know how you can deal with grief. It may take some time before you pick yourself up again and it is absolutely fine to take things in your own time.
Take time off work: taking some time away from your daily jobs may help you to come to terms with what has happened. Taking a break from regular routine will give you the chance to reflect, be positive and get support from others.
Grief: your partner may not seem to be affected by loss or may support you throughout the whole experience. Some are able to express themselves whilst others may deal with sadness and grief on their own. Whichever way they take, know that they also need that space for you to hold and help one another.
Sharing your story
Sharing your story: talking to other people may help you feel less alone and you may be surprised how many families, friends, work colleagues may have stories of their own. Many people are frightened by emotions and sadness and simply do not know what to say or do when you lose a baby. Don’t be disheartened when they could be avoiding you or ignoring you.
Get support: accept offers of emotional or practical support, set up memory pages such as a justgiving page, memory box, joining local support groups or something to help you to mark the loss and help you get support from others.
Types of baby loss
Sadly, some babies are lost during pregnancy, birth or shortly afterwards. Whatever the reason, we can provide support and information for anyone who has experienced the loss of a baby, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or termination for medical reasons.
Miscarriage
A miscarriage is legally defined as the loss of a baby during the first 24 weeks of pregnancy gestation. Going through a miscarriage can be extremely difficult. Losing a baby is deeply a personal experience that affects people differently, no matter when in your pregnancy you miscarry, you may need help to come to terms with what has happened. Miscarriages are often referred to as early or late miscarriage as well as missed miscarriages.
Early miscarriage is one that happens in the first 3 months of gestation and are very common. Most of the time, a woman may not even realise she is pregnant when this happens.
A late miscarriage is one that happens after the first three months of gestation, but before 24 weeks of the second trimester. If a baby dies at or after 24 weeks, this is called a stillbirth.
It is very hard to understand why a very late loss is called a miscarriage rather than a stillbirth but from a legal perspective, a baby is thought to have a good chance of survival if they are born alive after 24 weeks.
Did you know that up to 1 in 5 women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime? Many of these go unreported and also unnoticed.
What are the symptoms?
· Bleeding
· The most common sign of miscarriage is vaginal bleeding. It can vary from light spotting or bleeding without pain before 12 weeks. This doesn’t always mean a miscarriage but if this does happen, please contact your midwife or hospital straight away.
· Cramping and pain in lower abdomen
· A discharge or fluid from your vagina
· A discharge of tissue from your vagina
· No longer experiencing pregnancy symptoms such as feeling sick or tender breasts.
Recurrent Miscarriage
If you have three or more miscarriages consecutively, this is called recurrent miscarriages, you should be referred to a specialist doctor such as a gynaecologist. Around one woman in 100 experiences recurrent miscarriages. Testing can involve blood tests for antiphospholipid syndrome (APS), which is antibodies chemicals our bodies produce to fight infection. You and your partner can be checked for chromosome abnormalities called karyotyping and if any problems are addressed, you would be referred to clinical genetics’ specialists.
Can you prevent miscarriage?
We don’t always know why miscarriages happen, which makes it even more difficult to prevent them. It is important to know that miscarriages rarely happen because of something you did or didn’t do. And it’s important to remember that there is nothing you can do that will guarantee that you won’t have a miscarriage.
Sometimes, your doctor may be able to offer some tests and most people do use a fertility clinic or private services to get the help and support they need.
There are various other types of baby loss such as ectopic pregnancy, gestational trophoblastic disease, stillborn, molar pregnancy, early years and neonatal, termination for medical reasons and there is a lot of support you can get.
Ectopic Pregnancy
An ectopic pregnancy is when a fertilised egg implants outside of your womb, most commonly in the fallopian tube, This is a serious pregnancy complication and has to be addressed immediately as it can be life threatening and implications on future pregnancies.
Molar pregnancy
A molar pregnancy is where the placenta and foetus do not form properly and become a growth in the uterus. This means that the baby can not develop. This growth triggers pregnancy symptoms, such as heavy bleeding and should be treated to ensure the growth is removed.
Stillbirth
A baby born not alive after 24 weeks of pregnancy is termed as stillborn. In many cases, the baby is born naturally, and some may require surgery. There is a range of reasons why stillbirths occur, a post mortem may indicate the cause of stillbirth. Many hospitals have a bereavement suite allowing parents to have time with their child.
Neonatal Loss
This is a loss during the first 28 days of life, often due to premature birth, low birth weight, infection or a variety of medical reasons.
Whatever type of loss you have experienced, it is the loss of your child. Your hopes and dreams may become shattered and the mental, physical and emotional feelings should not be brushed off.
Take your time. Hold on to hope.
Be sure to talk through your feelings, ask if you don’t understand anything, rest when you need to, give yourself time to stop and recuperate and heal from trauma. Don’t struggle in silence and understand grief. Take your time. Hold on to hope.
Wishing you all the best in your journey ahead, Amazsage Therapies are always here to offer support, talk and help with your experience.
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