On a very hot and muggy morning in August I lay awake on my side and thought, can I hear rain? It was a get out of festival free card that I didn’t know I needed. I was 40 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my first child and it was the weekend of our favourite festival, the night before we had said to each other we will go and get day tickets if; I am not in labour, or it isn’t raining.
Birthing my First Child
My contractions started at 1.30am the next morning, 20th August 2012, I managed to get back to sleep between the first couple but then spent the next few hours sitting on my birthing ball watching TV. I could hear my husband on the phone to the hospital discussing when to come in and I held so many nerves, excitement and just being scared of what the next few hours may be like. We didn’t live far from the hospital but the drive felt like forever, our car felt so low and then I had to deal with the multiple speed bumps on route to the hospital. I couldn’t even sit down on the seat fully and braced for every bump in the road.
We arrived at the hospital and I was examined at 3 or 4 cm dilated, I had been through a premature prevention clinic due to previous cell removal on my cervix and I had been tested for GroupB Strep so I had my first dose of antibiotics through an IV drip. We felt like we were quickly moved to a delivery suite although I had lost all sense of timings.
I got to 10cm with my yoga practice and my tens machine, we listened to music and had our normal jokes with each other. I then started to feel that I couldn’t do this and asked for gas and air, I then went through a whole canister of gas! After such fast progress up until now and what felt like a lot of pushing with no gain, I started to ask my partner what was wrong, I knew something wasn’t right. I was hooked up to a monitor and asked to stay on the bed so they could monitor the baby, I really didn’t want to stay put as everything I had read told me that gravity helps but the midwife was lovely and very reassuring. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her press a red button on the wall, everything else was a blur really, I was so exhausted and upset and the room then filled with doctors.
Experiencing a C-Section Delivery
The doctor explained that the position of my baby was difficult for him to be born without intervention and that I would need forceps and if that failed a caesarean. Before I knew it my partner was taken away and I was rushed down to theatre. I was given a spinal block whilst having intense contractions which was scary and once lying down on the bed I remember my partner being allowed back into the room.
Forceps failed so my beautiful boy was born by C-section at 4.28pm. He weighed 9lb 3oz and the doctor said was well and truly stuck! He was rushed away to the paediatrics team on stand by in the room where he was given help to take his first breaths before we could see and hold him. It was the perfect moment, being able to hear him cry and hold him.
After the Birth
After Freddie was born I didn’t heal that well, due to some complications we stayed in hospital for 6 days and not being at home was really difficult. I was signed off by the doctor at 6 weeks, who barely looked at my scar, which actually still felt more like a wound than scar. The next day a very upset and hungry Freddie kicked me and reopened a bit of my scar so I needed a trip to A&E and had antibiotics to treat an infection. This infection was missed at my 6 weeks check.
I really wish I would have known about HLP Therapy's Full Natal Check at this point, as I know it would have been picked up on and dealt with. Eventually, everything all then healed in its own time.
My Second Child Was a Little Easier...
18 months later we got married and then 6 months later found out we were expecting our second child. There was no question in my mind how he would be born and from my booking in appointment I elected to have a C-section.
My elected date was 16th March 2015 – we went in very early for our planned C-section.
It is a very strange waiting room experience. There were only 2 of us in the room with our birth partners and there was lots of nervous small talk before they were called in first. When it was our turn I was so nervous but also excited. The whole situation felt so much calmer and more in control from my previous experience, I had a spinal block again and was kindly told they were just shaving the area, which made me laugh! Callan was born at 4.28pm, the exact time of day his older brother was born!
The Recovery was Not so Easy!
My physical recovery was far more straight forward, it was like my body knew what to do, I healed faster and I didn’t have any infections or sores. But mentally I had post natal depression.
I am from a big family and as time went by we decided to try for another baby. I still had my first birth in my mind and felt I needed some closure on that. I contacted the local birth reflections team and had a lovely appointment at home in which a trained midwife went through all my notes on my first birth. I said I still felt a bit of a failure and she described to me how there was nothing I could have done differently. Freddie was a big baby and he turned at the last minute, there was no way he could have been born any differently. This gave me the closure I needed.
Baby Number 3 Incoming
In July 2019 I found out I was expecting baby number 3, at my booking in appointment there was no doubt that I would have a 3rd C-section.
As I went along and my pregnancy progressed I did a lot of research and made the decision to opt for a VBAC birth (vaginal birth after caesarean).
This wasn’t because I was desperate to have a vaginal birth, it was a more practical choice, I had a 4 and 7 year old at home, I had school runs and sports clubs to drive to. I didn’t want the recovery time of a C-section. I was also stronger now, I had done lots of fitness training in previous years, ran a half marathon, climbed 24 mountains. I didn’t want to start back at square one again.
I had a doctors meetings to confirm my decision, I was classed as high risk, because of Group B strep and VBAC. My due date was 5th March 2020, I had an early night the evening of 4th March and I went to bed after making sure I had packed bags for my two boys, including their world book day outfits! I just had a feeling it could be tonight, I was right, at about 11pm I was woken by really strong contractions.
We woke the boys and loaded everyone in the car, again the car felt so low and I knew we were going to face those speed bumps yet again! Once at the hospital we were assessed in triage, this wasn’t a pleasant experience, I was hooked to a monitor, examined, told I wasn’t coping well and did I want a C-section now. My husband advocated for me so well, I waited an hour for pain relief. I lay holding his hand, controlling my breathing by listening to music and the heartbeat of my baby girl from the monitor. I asked my husband to go and ask if they could change the bedsheets as they were all wet, the midwife examined me again and exclaimed that my waters had broken and I was 10 cm dilated, everyone seemed to then go to panic mode and I was rushed down to delivery suite.
Another Eventful Birth!
When in delivery I was moved to another bed, as I screamed in pain on transfer, the red button was pressed, the room flooded with people and immediately I was being taken down a corridor while being put to sleep.
I woke up confused but saw my husband’s face and I looked down and he was holding our baby girl. He then explained to me that she had ruptured my uterus. I had to be put to sleep to have an emergency C-section. I couldn’t hold her straight away as I was taking a long time to come around, I had lost a lot of blood and was waiting to know if I needed a transfusion. I was told in recovery by the consultant that saved our lives that I would not safely be able to have any more children. I was fine with that, I felt extremely grateful to be alive and to have my baby girl.
Compared to my first C-section I never felt like I had failed this time. We went through a briefing with the hospital team weeks later by a phone call and we explained that we felt completely let down by the triage unit of the maternity unit but once we came through to delivery, the team were amazing. My husband said in all the chaos he witnessed and worry he felt, the midwives in delivery kept him informed throughout. They let him weigh her, he changed her first nappy, fed her and did skin to skin.
If you had told me I wouldn’t have been awake for the birth of my daughter I would have been upset that I would miss out on the bonding that I got to have with my sons, but I can honestly say that didn’t happen. I felt so blessed to have her safe and well in my arms that how she got here didn’t matter at all and I still feel like that.
Arabella was born two weeks before the world shut down with the pandemic, so my postnatal care was very different to my other births. My 6 week check-up was virtual, and they didn’t ask any questions about myself.
Issues with my C-Section Scar & Recovery
I did have the start of an infection again at about 5 weeks but this time I cleaned this myself and managed to rest more due to the lockdown which I think helped my recovery. I had an in person check-up at 3 months and I had to ask for my scar to be checked.
After 6 months I started to exercise again and slowly rebuilding my core. Nearly 2 years after Arabella was born, I was referred to HLP Therapy for a Full post natal check as I was having problems with muscle separation and was diagnosed with a hypertonic pelvic floor. My scar was very tight. With help of scar therapy, scar massage and some exercises I was able to improve on all of this.
I have three beautiful children and one beautiful scar. I wouldn’t change how any of them were born, I didn’t want children to have a perfect birth, I wanted children to be a family unit and that is what I have.
My only wish would be that full postpartum natal checkups become mandatory. To look back now after having the Natal Check with my 3rd child, I wish that was offered after my first birth and in fact, as a standard service of care to all mums. We deserve it.
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